Inside out

Some poems and reflections on life


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Awakening

Asleep

My life is a dream
I fell asleep many years ago
The world just faded into gray
I don’t remember how or when

It just slowly went out of focus
Walking became harder
I laid down and slept

I wait for one kiss
A kiss to wake me out of this non-existence
A kiss to draw my blood to my face
A kiss to make my fingers tingle and my lips tremble

Just one kiss … that’s all

A kiss

Dry, cracked lips press onto my mouth
Stale breath fills my nose
I am pushed down as my mouth is invaded
By a fat, sour tongue

How dare you come into my room uninvited
Invading my sanctuary
Waking me with your clumsy, fumbling hands

A scream dies in mythroat
I am too weak to fight back

I am awake.

to be continued …

 


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To escape your love

Sand shifts under my toes
Waves crash over each other
Racing to knock me down
Tide sucks me under

I race for the mountain top
to escape the wrath of your love
climbing higher than ever
to find myself
at the bottom of the abyss

Fog swirls envelop me
in quicksand sinking down
in my own shit up to my navel
where I gaze wondering
if I am to be eaten alive

Sinking down in ooze
I fall freely through time and space
landing in soft cushions of dust
scattering into clouds
shooting up my nose …

I sneeze … Tihei

I live … Mauri ora.

 


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Be kind to yourself

Some short poems on a theme – that are more or less cinquains:

 

1. Gentle
Warm wind caresses
Your own best friend? Your own worst enemy?
What will you choose?
Sunlight.

2. Simple
Uncluttered space
Floor has been swept clean of dirt
Warming sunshine relaxes the mind
Reduce

3. A seed
contains all knowledge
to be a tree in the forest
tall, majestic, sheltering, life
tiny.

4. Miles
distance away from
driving, walking, cycling, dreaming
free to roam, free to wander
forever.

5. Patience
waiting alone
sitting in silence
breathing, looking, hearing, being
awake.


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I swallowed a grain of sand

(best read out loud)

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

I swallowed a grain

A grain of sand

A sand of grain

That caused a pain

I hid it down deep

Deep inside

Inside down deep

A secret to keep

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

A hurt that swelled

Swelled and grew

Grew and swelled

Noone to tell

I built a wall

A wall around

Around a wall

Safe and sound

 Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

Until

One small tiny, tender shoot of a root

Crept quietly

Wrigglingly squirming worming

Through the cracky gap

Rested

Waited

Watched

Touched

Embraced

Cared

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

You named that pain

That pain of shame

That shame of pain

And whence it came

You held me tight

Switched the light

Lighted the switch

And made me fight

Cold hard foolish truth

Crumbled to dust

Leaving only scars behind

 Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …


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getting home

Jesus Joseph John finished work for the day
and wandered back home in his usual way;
He searched for some answer,
trying to understand,
why his life was flowing
through his fingers like sand.

Jesus Joseph John sat in the bar
drinking his beer and hadn’t got far;
Watching  the news
on the big screen TV,
sitting in his corner,
huddled reclusively.

Jesus Joseph John rose with a heave,
no-one there noticed him leave;
He staggered down the road
all on his own,
A fist hit his gut
and he fell with a moan.

Jesus Joseph John got up in a daze
and sung to himself, his mind in a haze;
The kids hanging out
followed him right down the street,
dancing and chanting
and tripping his feet.

Jesus Joseph John fell in the drain
threw up his lunch, his head full of pain;
A woman stopped by,
and came to his aid:
wiping his brow and
to home he was bade.

Jesus Joseph John staggered on up the road
and gradually in his tiredness slowed;
He collapsed in a doorway
and fell there asleep,
in his dreams he was shaken
which troubled him deep.

In the growing dawn light
He awoke to the day;
A new chance to see
If he could find his own way.


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Dreamscape

The track came to an end by the beach and turned into a sandy path through the dune grasses. I carried on across the dunes. The bay, not so far from the city, felt lonely and isolated. The sea crashed in on the rocks. No sign of human habitation was present.

The track dipped down to the rocky shore and crossed a small sandy stream. The waves washed gently into the mouth of the stream, pushing against the current.  I started to cross the stream. My feet stuck in the soft bottom. I couldn’t move. The waves came further up the stream, the tide gradually rising. I was stuck fast as the water grew higher and higher.

Photo by Jamie Lawrie

Photo by Jamie Lawrie

The waves were getting higher and I was sinking deeper. The water was soon up to my neck, with waves about to crash over my head. A wave caught me on the face, warm and wet, licking me from mouth to nose, smelling on stale breath.

Jessie stood, paws on the side of the bed, trying to wake me. I rolled over to try to sleep again, but she pushed at my back, whimpering. Reluctantly, I got up and pulled on my sweats and trainers and took her out for her morning walk.

The dim dawn light hardly penetrated the autumn fog, shrouding the hills. We wanted down the path through the trees, not seeing more than three or four feet in front of us. The branches hung ghost-like in the misty air. Damp drops clung to the ends and dripped on our heads. The birds were slowly waking up, their songs muffled in the misty morning.

Suddenly, it ran across the track. Furry, white, brilliant and shining with iridescence. Jessie took chase, pulling the lead from my hand. I called, “Stop, Jessie! Come back!” But it was no use, she was off, disappearing through the undergrowth. A flash of light, an electric crackling in the air and Jessie yelped in pain. Moments later she limped back, a dark ring singed around her neck.

I sit now at my desk. The vet found nothing wrong with Jessie, other than singed fur. I am trying to work out where to find the money for the bill. The throbbing in the back of my head is getting worse. Strange lights play around the edge of my vision. The world has suddenly gone quiet.