Inside out

Some poems and reflections on life


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Problems

There is no problem

The seed does not have a problem
with being deep in the damp soil
It does not have a problem
with swelling
with growing
with emerging
to bright sunlight.

The tree does not have a problem
with standing in the forest
It does not have a problem
with being tall
with being eaten
with being home
to insects and birds.

The bird does not have a problem
with being in the sky
It does not have a problem
with flying
with singing
with seeing
the cat waiting in the long grass.

The cat does not have a problem
with lazing on the lawn
It does not have a problem
with waking
its human
from bed
to feed it in the morning.

It is we who have a problem
in living our own lives
It is we who have a problem
that binds us
that blinds us
that keeps us
from ourselves.

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Cotton wool break down

Wriggling, squirming, waiting to escape
to see the outside once more
locked in a life that traps
and dulls the senses
blunts the vision
dims the touch
darkens the taste
like cotton-wool bandages
prevents me from seeing the
rough ugly truth of the world
wherein lies beauty.

I take it on myself to stand
to make a stand on behalf of myself
to shake off my own oppression
of self-limiting thoughts
and beliefs
To reach out beyond my limits of time and space
to be what I had never once imagined.

Don’t limit me to the nonfunctional existence
Locked up in the nicety of life without true feeling
Hiding the depths of my anger
with words
of
nothingness.

We shout and rave and raise our voices
Insults fly like knives cutting
across the arms and face
But stop when first blood is drawn
A hug and handshake
Cleaned and purged – renewed

One random moment in time
Stretches to eternity as every
detail is examined
again and again

Wondering “why?”

 

(I found this one in my note book left untouched after some time. I think I may have meant it to be two separate poems. But I think they flow well together).


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Holy Shit

“Take this”, she says,
“My table is spread, richly laden”

“Take this”, she says,
“Eat fully, drink deeply.”

“Hear, but do not understand
“Look, but do not see
“If you try to explain, it will be gone
“If you try to see, it will vanish.”

An angel has stopped my mouth
While another has torn open my heart
My feet sink deep into the compost of reality
I stand on holy ground
Holy Shit!


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Burying the dead

Memories of how it was
Are just memories of how it was
Floating in time and not in space
In mind and not in place

Shaping me here and now
Connected and real

I am still
That frightened boy
Cowering before the bully

I am still
That triumphant hero
Conquering my first mountain

I am still
That wondering student
Learning my first lesson

All these things
Weave and create
The tapestry
Marvellous multicoloured
Chaotic interplay of knots
That is me and my life

But there is nothing but
Here and now

Memories of how it was
Are just memories of how it was
Floating in time in and not in space
In mind and not in place

It is time to bury the dead
And move on


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I swallowed a grain of sand

(best read out loud)

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

I swallowed a grain

A grain of sand

A sand of grain

That caused a pain

I hid it down deep

Deep inside

Inside down deep

A secret to keep

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

A hurt that swelled

Swelled and grew

Grew and swelled

Noone to tell

I built a wall

A wall around

Around a wall

Safe and sound

 Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

Until

One small tiny, tender shoot of a root

Crept quietly

Wrigglingly squirming worming

Through the cracky gap

Rested

Waited

Watched

Touched

Embraced

Cared

Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …

You named that pain

That pain of shame

That shame of pain

And whence it came

You held me tight

Switched the light

Lighted the switch

And made me fight

Cold hard foolish truth

Crumbled to dust

Leaving only scars behind

 Breathe in; breathe out

Breathe out hold relax pause

Gently breathe in and let

The air pass through you …