Inside out

Some poems and reflections on life


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Pray for me

Pray for me? – if you like
Prey on my loss, my guilt, my hurt
if that will make you feel better
closer to your god …
who is so far from me

But do it on your own time

For now
just sit
and be
with
me
in the darkness

Join me in the pit
as I cry out to the universe
in rage
in terror
in abandonment

Lost to all feeling
poured out on the ground
grieving for what is lost forever

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To escape your love

Sand shifts under my toes
Waves crash over each other
Racing to knock me down
Tide sucks me under

I race for the mountain top
to escape the wrath of your love
climbing higher than ever
to find myself
at the bottom of the abyss

Fog swirls envelop me
in quicksand sinking down
in my own shit up to my navel
where I gaze wondering
if I am to be eaten alive

Sinking down in ooze
I fall freely through time and space
landing in soft cushions of dust
scattering into clouds
shooting up my nose …

I sneeze … Tihei

I live … Mauri ora.

 


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Cotton wool break down

Wriggling, squirming, waiting to escape
to see the outside once more
locked in a life that traps
and dulls the senses
blunts the vision
dims the touch
darkens the taste
like cotton-wool bandages
prevents me from seeing the
rough ugly truth of the world
wherein lies beauty.

I take it on myself to stand
to make a stand on behalf of myself
to shake off my own oppression
of self-limiting thoughts
and beliefs
To reach out beyond my limits of time and space
to be what I had never once imagined.

Don’t limit me to the nonfunctional existence
Locked up in the nicety of life without true feeling
Hiding the depths of my anger
with words
of
nothingness.

We shout and rave and raise our voices
Insults fly like knives cutting
across the arms and face
But stop when first blood is drawn
A hug and handshake
Cleaned and purged – renewed

One random moment in time
Stretches to eternity as every
detail is examined
again and again

Wondering “why?”

 

(I found this one in my note book left untouched after some time. I think I may have meant it to be two separate poems. But I think they flow well together).


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Speak well

Speak well of others
That they might speak well
Of you

What if
There is nothing well to say
Of another
Nothing I can truly say
Another has done well to
Speak of

Do I stay silent
And in my silence speak badly
Of the other’s
Lack

Of do I find some trivial
Good ness and
In my speaking make the other
Trivial

Speak well of others
That they might speak well
Of you

How can I speak well of others
When I fail to speak well of me

When my internal
Self talk
Chatter
Continually points fault
At every action

When I apologise for
My presence in the room

When I list my short comings
So others do not think me proud

When I refuse to accept praise and thanks
And say it was nothing

Speak well of yourself
So you can speak well of others


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Freedom

For  Martin Luther King Day:

Freedom
a precious gift
not to be squandered on flippery and baubles
taken in hand and to heart
led gently into the world.

To give peace meaningfully
not a mere handshake
but a firm support that leaves standing.

To respect the earth
we tread on lightly
giving life to grow in light.

To know love
is unconditional.